I don't have much to say as it's a truly sensitive subject and hard to truly grasp everything despite the detail you wrote. But, I have some gut feelings and they are similar to what has been said.
I think based on your research, you have found he has not improved himself. The last things you want to do is accidentally enable him to abuse anyone (but you also can't prevent it, he will abuse someone no matter what by the sounds of it). You also outlined how much damage he has done to you and the people around you, by casting him out of your life sadly gave you a chance to live life. If your research was not so grim, it might be worth the chance. All I can say is work with your wife and your siblings, even your kids. Work with people that help YOU be STRONG. If you do decide to even dip a tow in the water and visit him you will need these people to keep your head on straight and to keep you strong.
The Pandora's box you open with this sounds pretty dangerous. I'd almost say if you were dead set to reach out to him, get a P.O. Box and write him a letter (this way he does not have your current mailing address and makes it harder to just show up on your door step).
But my gut says leave this issue closed. I hate to say it, but it may be the best thing. Again, work with your family (even close friend), the ones your are tight with and can help you through this.

 

True story, champ.

 

Hi GREGG: I agree 100% with Ashley, Keane, Justin. I don't see ANY good coming from this at all. I know your heart is telling you one thing. And you mind is telling another. Gregg Its not worth the pain its going to cost you to start up another relationship with yr dad. He hasn't made any effort to change and at his age 99% chance he won't. Myself I believe in leaving a sleeping dog alone! Why in the world would you want to go and even put you & Sue and the kids thru that ? It will affect your home life , your work, & your babys. Man its not worth all that. You seem like a HAPPY Man with the FAMILY you have now. Don't go there Gregg. Let your common sense over ride your heart. Your HEART belongs to Susan & the Kids. Nough said. You have my number if you want to talk. Your Mn friend . Rick

 

Your first priority is your wife and kids. If it where my dad I would continue to have no contact. You can love your dad in your heart but contact with him seams to be toxic for anyone involved.

I really hope you can sort things out. Professional help like Space suggested seams to be a good choice you should look into

 

Well I'm 22 years old and my family situation is far different. So while you read this, keep in mind that I don't have a clue what you're going through.. this is just my personal thoughts anyway.

While he is in jail, you can meet with him on your own terms. He might admit his problems and claim he is going to turn his life around if you go visit him, but as you said, he will do that to make you drop your defenses.

If you go to see him, I would do it without the family. I wouldn't want to introduce him to my family and I definitely wouldn't bail him out if I went. It may be a good time for you to go speak to him, apologize for the way your lives have gone, maybe point that where he is now and the way he is living his life is the reason his family treats him the way they do.

Most of these jails will have a Chaplain. Here in rural NC, it is usually a local minister of a church who is just "on call." Even if you're not religious, they may have still make good councils. If you want to use this option, you could call the jail and ask to have the chaplain get in contact with you. You could use the chaplain as a go-between adn explain to him what you have explained to us. Then you could let the chaplain speak to your father and then have the chaplain get back to you about what he thinks.

If you do decide to go meet with this guy, don't do it alone. Don't take your family, but don't go alone. I think having someone like a chaplain, even if you're not religious (just as I am not religious at all), will have someone there that is trained to handle these situations and won't let your father try to take advantage of you in this emotional situation. Maybe you could take a picture of your family and grandchildren to show him, but considering the pedophile part, I wouldn't let him keep it. Being as he is in jail, this could also be a good time for you to meet with him for maybe an hour, and then still tell him you don't want contact with him and leave him at that.

Perhaps nothing good would come from this situation. Perhaps it could remind you why you broke contact and just set you up for a good 5 years of not thinking about it too much more.

I remember a long time ago you posted that he was the reason you didn't pursue a career in government and aiming to be a Senator. I know it must have been a tough life. Hopefully this will give you some pointers.


-Duane

 

Gregg, let the jail psychiatrists help him if he's mentally ill. Your own psychological well-being is more important at this stage in your life - to you, to Susan, and the kids. As you know, I grew up in a similar situation so I know what I'm talking about. Let jailed sleeping dogs lie.

 

Thank you everybody for your input. I know that reasonable people make reasonable choices and decisions. You are all reasonable people and with the previous post and threads that have been posted on this forum by myself and others that these subjects were met with the seriousness and due diligence they deserved. You are all my friends and my extended family and I value your opinions greatly. Thank you again.
I have made a decision that I want to share. While reading your responses and even writing this my eyes are filling up and their are tears running down my cheeks. I know in the past that when it comes to my dad I can't make reasonable decisions. One thing that is common with children that are abused is that they will go to any length to please and get the approval of their abuser. I fall into this category. With this response I now know that I still am not capable of making reasonable decisions when it comes to dealing with my dad. I would continue to act according to my heart and not my head. My girls need and deserve to have a dad that has himself together. Susan needs and deserves to have a partner that is not on an emotional roller coaster. I need to keep my sanity and not get back onto that roller coaster that in the past almost ended my life on a few occasions. I have decided to let this jailed dog lie. It does hurt to make this decision but it is the decision I must make. Thank you again for helping me make it.
The reason I came to you with this rather than a professional is this. When you have had the mental health issues as I have had they think that all of your problems are solved with a prescription bottle. I have been fine for three or more years without my drugs and don't want to get on them again. The drugs have a purpose but I'm past them. You have to deal with your problems and resolve them or you will always have them to come back and be an issue or spend your life on those mind altering drugs. I am dealing with my problems and as sad as this is to say but when my dad passes away it will be a blessing for me.

 

I also would like you to know that in the past I would have dropped everything and gone running to my dad because I know it is what he would have wanted. Asking for your help is a big step for me. I have always been good at being able to give in most cases sound advice, however I have never been real good at asking for it or accepting it when it is offered. It is all part of the healing process that will probably take the rest of my life. Thank you again.