- Members Post a Joke : )
lmao!!!
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,482
From: Southwestern OH
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
I'd crash. [sm=smiley20.gif]
Jimmy Carter, George Bush, and Bill Clinton travel to Oz, they want to see the wizard. They finally arrive, the wizard asks Jimmy Carter what he wants?
Jimmy answers a heart. His wish is granted by the wizard.
Next the wizard asks George Bush what he wants? George answers he wants a brain. His wish is answered.
Finally it's Bill Clinton's turn. The wizard asks Bill what his wish is?
Bill says, "Any chance Dorthy's around?"
[sm=oopssign.gif][sm=nothatway.gif][sm=bustedsign.gif][sm=dontgetit.gif][sm=exactly.gif]
Jimmy Carter, George Bush, and Bill Clinton travel to Oz, they want to see the wizard. They finally arrive, the wizard asks Jimmy Carter what he wants?
Jimmy answers a heart. His wish is granted by the wizard.
Next the wizard asks George Bush what he wants? George answers he wants a brain. His wish is answered.
Finally it's Bill Clinton's turn. The wizard asks Bill what his wish is?
Bill says, "Any chance Dorthy's around?"
[sm=oopssign.gif][sm=nothatway.gif][sm=bustedsign.gif][sm=dontgetit.gif][sm=exactly.gif]
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 816
From: Reno, NV
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
In RE to: Shot Gun Rules
One I like to to add. If the caller of Shotgun pulls the door handle as the driver is unlocking the doors, therefore causing the passenger door to stay locked, that person automatically loses all shotgun privelages and shotgun will then be awarded to the next person to call.
One I like to to add. If the caller of Shotgun pulls the door handle as the driver is unlocking the doors, therefore causing the passenger door to stay locked, that person automatically loses all shotgun privelages and shotgun will then be awarded to the next person to call.
Monte Of The Month -- February 2008
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 4,286
From: Born in East LA
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
ORIGINAL: SoCalSS
In RE to: Shot Gun Rules
One I like to to add. If the caller of Shotgun pulls the door handle as the driver is unlocking the doors, therefore causing the passenger door to stay locked, that person automatically loses all shotgun privelages and shotgun will then be awarded to the next person to call.
In RE to: Shot Gun Rules
One I like to to add. If the caller of Shotgun pulls the door handle as the driver is unlocking the doors, therefore causing the passenger door to stay locked, that person automatically loses all shotgun privelages and shotgun will then be awarded to the next person to call.
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 816
From: Reno, NV
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
Little Johnny wakes one night to some strange sounds coming from his parent's bedroom and decides to investigate,
As he peeks through the door he sees his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down
and he doesn't think anything of it so he goes back to sleep.
The next morning he asks his mother
"Mom, why were you bouncing on dad last night?"
So she thinks for a second and replies
"That's because daddy is gaining some weight, so mommy was just trying to flatten him back out"
Johnny says
"That's not going to work mom, cuz everyday when you leave the neighbor comes over and blows him back up!"
As he peeks through the door he sees his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down
and he doesn't think anything of it so he goes back to sleep.
The next morning he asks his mother
"Mom, why were you bouncing on dad last night?"
So she thinks for a second and replies
"That's because daddy is gaining some weight, so mommy was just trying to flatten him back out"
Johnny says
"That's not going to work mom, cuz everyday when you leave the neighbor comes over and blows him back up!"
Monte Of The Month -- March 2007
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,264
From: Woodstock, Ontario, Canada
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
Early Retirement The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted
men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.
Those applying got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top
of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked
out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sergeant
Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From
the tip of my weenie to my *********." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and
instructed the Sergeant Major to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical
officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your *********?"
The old Sergeant Major calmly replied, "Vietnam".[/align]
men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.
Those applying got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top
of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked
out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sergeant
Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From
the tip of my weenie to my *********." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and
instructed the Sergeant Major to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical
officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your *********?"
The old Sergeant Major calmly replied, "Vietnam".[/align]
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 736
From: CFB Petawawa, Ontario, Canada
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
Lol!!! my gawd!! SoCal.. Thats priceless.. Wiz.. Man.. that one is gooder..
This proves my theory that there are indeed stupid people out there...
Well. Thats a way to up your MPG...
Hope he got the insurance...
Ok.. Whos is this? This is not the right way to jack up your monte!!! [:@]
mmm.. Take out.
This proves my theory that there are indeed stupid people out there...
Well. Thats a way to up your MPG...
Hope he got the insurance...
Ok.. Whos is this? This is not the right way to jack up your monte!!! [:@]
mmm.. Take out.
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,576
From: wouldnt u like to know
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
SUN CITY Prenuptual Agreement
Subject: SUN CITY Prenuptual Agreement
An elderly couple in their 80's were about to get married.
She said: I want to keep my house.
He said that's fine with me.
She said: And I want to keep my Cadillac.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: And I want to have sex 6 times a week.
He said: That's fine with me...Put me down for Fridays..