I'm depressed at the fact that I can't find a decent job that pays well and has benefits.

 

Yes Angie; it is very important. I started having depression when I was around 13. My father was an abusive alcoholic ***. I am the oldest of five and was often the subject of his ire. He also abused my mother and his five kids verbally, emotionally, and financially. He would pit and manipulate one against the other insuring that none of us have a close relationship to this day. I guess tearing us down and keeping us sheltered made him feel better about himself and also kept us from questioning his unhealthy and illicit behaviors. He is an alcohol abuser, a pedophile, and a closet homosexual. He has been fortunate in that he has never been caught abusing a child where he could be prosecuted. There is a stigma attached to being a teenage boy that has been abused. They keep this secret.
I had several suicide attempts that had I not been lucky would have appeared to be accidents with the only question being why was he there or why was he doing that?
I am sure that if we talked we would find we had much in common. I am glad that I am finally healthy.

 

[quote=mousehousemoparman;386019
I am sure that if we talked we would find we had much in common. I am glad that I am finally healthy.[/quote]


Wow. We have more in common than I thought. Most of my problems which led to severe depression and suicide attempts stem from an abusive father. He pitted everybody against everybody - family, friends ,neighbors - so that growing up, us kids never trusted anybody. He was a master at psychological abuse ("You better do what I say or my heart will start pounding and I'll have a heart attack"), verbal abuse, and manipulation. He never hit us as far as I remember. The cumulative effect of a childhood full of abuse and manipulation by one's own parent left me with a giant empty hole in place of any memory of my early years.

I'm so glad Space started this thread - it's a relief to unload here to friends that are bound together by a car, of all things. Thanks for listening, Gregg.

 

My father was the typical household abuser. He only abused his kids and wife. Those outside our immediate family thought he was the perfect husband and father. He however made sure that extended family and friends only got so close.
My father was a verbal and physical abuser. His tool of choice was the belt and when he used it we never got fewer than three wallops with it. We got the belt for anything he felt was an indiscretion on our part. As far as the verbal part; to me his favorite was to ask Who the hell do you think you are? The response I always gave was nobody. I once stood up to him when he asked the question and told him that I am me. His response was that you're a nobody and don't you ever forget it. I can still hear it in my head to this day. I hated the weekends because we had no school and I was certain that we would get punished for something. I was the oldest so I always got more abuse because I knew better than the rest. I couldn't wait to get old enough to move on my own. I hated him. At least now I understand it and I have come to realize I don't have to allow him to control my life. It took me 44 years to find that out. Gregg

 

Where is the multiple choice? I can pretty much say yes to all the above, been there done that. In all seriousness, but I take a little pink pill every day and that is what the DR ordered, you just have to maintain a certain level of sanity. I have a few things to be depressed about and the holidays make things a lot worse, you gotta go with the flow and don't let others dictate the way you live!

 

 

Ikn how that goes being in the car alone thinking like that & most of the time im driving my monte so i could nvr bring myself to do it, its also the reason ill drive my sports cars at high speeds thinking maybe somthing will just happen, & yes alcohol is the worst thing to get into, i was a heavy drinker a few years ago, ruined alot of my life by doin that but i will admit if it wasnt for a friend of mine id still be trying to solve my problems with alcohol, i owe her alot for helping me with that, it got so bad i jumped out of a 2nd story window, everyone thought it was just cause i was drunk but i was trying to commit suicide, i do believe alot of my depression is caused by my parents nvr really being around & nvr having there support so i went threw years of my life thinking i nvr really ment much to anyone & i still do feel that way, its really hard to go threw life just thinking you really dont have anyone but in reality u do but past events keep ur mind thinking you dont & theres other things in my past that have caused my depression but not really ready to say what those are just yet

 

Mike. YOU DO MATTER AND YOU ARE IMPORTANT. I don't know you that well but I do know that about you. Mike I strongly encourage you to go see your doctor and tell him what you have said among your friends here. I know it is hard to believe that things will get better but I am living proof that they can and will, but you have to take the next step and unfortunately no one can do it for you. Some times family really sucks. Because they are family they have a special place in our hearts and our minds. In that place they can give the greatest of love or the most mortal wounds and pain because they have from you unconditional love, admiration, and respect. It is hard to believe that someone that trusted could do that but unless you have lived it you can't imagine. One thing I can tell you through my own experience is that I am the most important person walking the face of this world. I have to take care of me. I have to love me. I have to respect me. Again I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME. If you don't do these things you can't take care of anybody else. You can't love anybody else. You can't respect anybody else. In that if you have unhealthy relationships regardless of who they are, you need to cast them aside. This is one I struggle with everyday. I no longer have a relationship with my father because it wasn't healthy. Everytime I let him in he would just inflict more pain. I feel guilty and hurt everyday because I feel I'm not a good son. I feel guilty because I am almost fifty which puts him just over seventy and I know he is a lot closer to death than he is to birth. I also know the I have a partner in Susan who needs my interaction everyday. I know that I have three little girls that need a daddy everyday, not someone who is an emotional basketcase. I know deep in my mind that a relationship with my father will return me to that place again. My mental and physical health is more important than a relationship with my father. He is a strong willed person and it has always been his way or no way.
Mike if you want to talk outside of this forum you can email me and I will give you my phone number. My email is moparmen1963@aol.com.

 

Only when thinking of taking the monte through winter But everybody goes through tough times,just gotta keep on pushin through them!

 

Thanks Gregg ill deff be sending u an email soon