Twenty Responses To Use With Telemarketers
#1
04-19-2007, 10:29 AM
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Woodstock, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,264
Twenty Responses To Use With Telemarketers
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Twenty Responses To Use With Telemarketers
Twenty Responses To Use With Telemarketers
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
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2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
#2
04-19-2007, 10:53 AM
RE: Twenty Responses To Use With Telemarketers
That's funny. I'm going to try some of them. I once had a telemarketer call (a woman) and she wanted me to get a credit card (I forget which one). I happened to be standing next to the kitchen counter and noticed my son had left his electronic fart machine sitting there. I told herI was VERY interested in getting the card but I was in the bathroom at the time. She said she would call back, but I said, no, that's OK, I really want the card. So as she was making her sales pitch I would periodically set off the fart machine and make low grunting noises. I could tell by the tone of her voice she could hear it but she kept up a professional tone and went through the whole speech. It was hilarious.I didn't get the card either.
#3
04-19-2007, 11:10 AM
RE: Twenty Responses To Use With Telemarketers
Last Saturday my wife and I were working at my parents' house which we are in the process of selling.Atelemarketer called and asked for my father(who is deceased) and my wife said"HE'S DEAD".The telemarketer said"Oh my gosh!!!! I'm sorry!!" and hung right up.
#4
04-19-2007, 03:27 PM
Monte Of The Month -- February 2008
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Born in East LA
Posts: 4,286
RE: Twenty Responses To Use With Telemarketers
If you are registered on donotcall.gov, you can ask them for their name and phone number.
I absolutely guarantee you that, if they are calling from the 50 states,they will hang up.
It is a $15k fine if they are reported a number of times.
If the call is from India, you are SOL.
I absolutely guarantee you that, if they are calling from the 50 states,they will hang up.
It is a $15k fine if they are reported a number of times.
If the call is from India, you are SOL.
#5
04-19-2007, 07:49 PM
RE: Twenty Responses To Use With Telemarketers
the best one i have done is,one day me and my wife were sitting here at home and a telemarketer called,i answer and tell them i'm not home,so they ask for the lady of the house and i reply that she's not here either.then i tell her "listen i'm just gonna level with you, I'm just robbing the house and ifyou would call back after five someone should be here"she started stuttering for a bit then hung up on me. Ididn't even get a chance to tell her not to call the cops.
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