( MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION : )
RE: ~ MCF MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION ~
[align=center]Hi Yall Monte Members,[/align][align=center]Must not have much 2 do if U R read'in this : )[/align][align=center]o
[/align][align=center]Got ya a New Game 2 Play[/align][align=center]called [:-][/align][align=center][/align][align=center]t
Start a chain reaction. [/align][align=center]Try to explode as many dots[/align][align=center]as needed to pass a level. [/align][align=center][:-]Click that there link below [:-][/align][align=center]http://www.bored.com/boomshine/index.htm[/align][align=center][/align][align=center][align=center]Fact: Only 3.97% of all level 12 games have won[/align][/align]
[/align][align=center]Got ya a New Game 2 Play[/align][align=center]called [:-][/align][align=center][/align][align=center]tStart a chain reaction. [/align][align=center]Try to explode as many dots[/align][align=center]as needed to pass a level. [/align][align=center][:-]Click that there link below [:-][/align][align=center]http://www.bored.com/boomshine/index.htm[/align][align=center][/align][align=center][align=center]Fact: Only 3.97% of all level 12 games have won[/align][/align]
RE: ~ MCF MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION ~
[align=center]
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[/align]MCF New Members have not been
fill'in out their Member Applications.
If you need help call
Mod `Wiz Kidd : )
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company
Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.
Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.
You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'
Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
If you can burp
and say your name at the same time,
you're shur'nuff a redneck.
You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"
fill'in out their Member Applications.
If you need help call
Mod `Wiz Kidd : )
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company
Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.
Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.
You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'
Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
If you can burp
and say your name at the same time,
you're shur'nuff a redneck.
You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"
RE: ~ MCF MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION ~
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You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
The centerpiece on your dining room table
is an original signed work
by a famous taxidermist. [/align][align=center]
You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family. [/color]
You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree.
[/font]
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.
You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.
You've got more than
one brother named 'Darryl'.
You think the OJ Trial was a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You were acquitted for murdering
your first wife after she threw
out your Elvis 8-tracks.
You think watching professional
wrestling is foreplay.
The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors
Your front porch collapses
and four dogs git killed.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
[color=#000000]You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins,
"For a good time time call..."
You know yera redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took
[font=arial][siz
[/color]
[/color]
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
The centerpiece on your dining room table
is an original signed work
by a famous taxidermist. [/align][align=center]
You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family. [/color]
You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree.
[/font]
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.
You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.
You've got more than
one brother named 'Darryl'.
You think the OJ Trial was a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You were acquitted for murdering
your first wife after she threw
out your Elvis 8-tracks.
You think watching professional
wrestling is foreplay.
The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors
Your front porch collapses
and four dogs git killed.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
[color=#000000]You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins,
"For a good time time call..."
You know yera redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took
[font=arial][siz
RE: ~ MCF MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION ~
[align=center][/align][align=center]Ba Ba Black Sheep[/align][align=center]
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. [/align]
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[hr]
[/align][align=center]Top 10 Reasons to Know You're a Redneck[/align][align=center]
1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife. [/align][align=center]
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.[/align]
[/align][align=center]Ba Ba Black Sheep[/align][align=center]Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. [/align]
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.
"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.
"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."
"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"
"Baaaaa..."
[align=center]"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.
"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."
"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"
"Baaaaa..."
[/align][align=center][hr]
[/align][align=center]Top 10 Reasons to Know You're a Redneck[/align][align=center]
1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife. [/align][align=center]
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.[/align]
RE: ~ MCF MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION ~
Redneck Engineering Exam
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) '66 Ford Fairlane b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) '64 Pontiac GTO d) Monte Carlo
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) '66 Ford Fairlane b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) '64 Pontiac GTO d) Monte Carlo
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?
[hr]
Backwoods High Tech
Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte - What your pitbull done to cousin Jethro.
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker.
Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
Diskette - Female Disco dancer.
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS.
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers.
Modem - What you do when the grass gets too high.
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
Network - Scooping up a big fish before it breaks the line.
ROM - Where the pope lives.
Screen - Keeps mosquitoes off the porch.
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
SCSI (pronounced scuzzi) - What you call your week-old underwear.
Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte - What your pitbull done to cousin Jethro.
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker.
Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
Diskette - Female Disco dancer.
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS.
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers.
Modem - What you do when the grass gets too high.
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
Network - Scooping up a big fish before it breaks the line.
ROM - Where the pope lives.
Screen - Keeps mosquitoes off the porch.
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
SCSI (pronounced scuzzi) - What you call your week-old underwear.
[hr]
Tasties in a Half Shell
Q: Why did God invent armadillos?
A: So that rednecks can have 'possum on the half-shell.
Q: Why did God invent armadillos?
A: So that rednecks can have 'possum on the half-shell.
[hr]
Redneck Marriage
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of hisFordpickup truck.
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of hisFordpickup truck.
RE: ~ MCF MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION ~
A Roomful of Rednecks
What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in a room?
A full set of teeth. What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in a room?
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A Sack Full of Chickens
One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man said, 'I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds good tonight.' One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.
'Well I'll tell you,' replied the man, 'If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack I'll give them both to you.'
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A Special Night in Iowa
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonalds on Friday night in Iowa?
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonalds on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom
