Hey Robyn, just checking in to see how things are going. Hope things are better.

 

 

Todd... things aren't getting better. We started talking again and it's like... i dont get it. He wants us to not only date but move in together and i'm like what the hell NO dude.... i don't get it.

 

Sounds like he's adding a bunch of drama in your life that you don't need.

Tell him to move on, then forget him if possible.

 

I think taz what it is, is that he was VERY scared. I was too. So we stopped talking. He called me tonight out of the blue, and very basically laid it out for me that this is what HE wants. He also apologized profoundly for what he had said to me, that it was said out of fear. HOWEVER.......

That doesn't necessarily mean I bought it. It does mean that I am open to possibilities. Now, if things go well (and he is fantastic most of the time except when he's being a scared little ninny) and he can keep himself COOL and straight for about a month, I'm considering it and for many different reasons. Number one, my parents sold the house and they want to move into a dumpy apartment. Number two, I'm almost 30 years old. I knew nothing about my husband and I just picked up to Oregon to be with him and look how that ended up. At least THIS TIME it's only 20 miles away LOL... And... i dunno. I could probably be desperate who knows. I just know that my MCF family will probably hate me for being stoopid.

 

There is never hate just hope for what's best for you. Based on what you are saying he is very insecure. If you move in together more than likely one of two things will happen. Best case is you are the missing piece that helps him find calm in his life or..... More than likely he will become possessive and jealous and you are in for some difficult times. The reasons I lean towards it being bad is that he is laying out what he wants. This is not about just him but being a team. The alcoholism is something that does not go away and is still destroying my family. That is one of the reasons I don't drink because I watch what happens to my mom and step dad. I would caution you against moving quickly with him. Can you afford your own place? If so move out and see what he shows you over the next few months.

My advice from my psychology background would be to proceed vary cautiously.

 

I think him laying out what he wanted, was his way of showing me that this is what he wants out of the relationship. I too am hoping that I am the missing link in his life to force him to become better, to help him find happiness. Without me he says he's pretty bummed out... doesn't have any real friends because he works such long hours and has a wierd schedule. I'm wondering if it isn't because he pushes them all away.

He is being very demanding however, and won't give me the time I requested to decide if it's the right thing and that worries me. He's already accused me of cheating on him, what else is next. I'm afraid that if I do this, he's doing it so he can keep an eye on me and become posessive which I will NOT have. ALso if he thinks he's driving my monte, he can forget that noise. He will NEVER be behind the driver's seat of my car, just like I will NEVER want to be behind the driver's seat of his car. It's his.

I haven't had much time to think about this... and we haven't had much time to talk about this seriously. Also I dont know if he was drunk last night or not. I can't tell. And that is also starting to worry me and get me mad at the same time. Something is very wrong, and I will get to the bottom of it. And no, I can't afford my own place. Not in this economy where I'm afraid I could lose my job any minute, signing a lease is not the smartest thing to do.

 

That is classic depression. I have been there and even deeper. If he does not address this it will only get worse. I have lots of personal experience in this as well as my second bachelors in psychology. Be careful proceeding down this road.



This worries me the most. If he wont respect you wanting time to decide then run away as fast as you can. Being single can suck, but is better than possibly being in an abusive relationship. You just met there is no excuse for this kind of behavior.


As for the drinking tell him you want to go to dinner, and not have any alcohol. If he freaks out then he is an alchy so run away. If he doesn't freak out then there is hope for him.

I am not sure what is like there, but here there are so many rentals that no one is signing leases and are just month to month.

I hope for the best for you.

 

Todd you're right. I am very worried about him. Maybe i am what he needs to stay sane, the woman who calms him down and makes him feel grounded. There is no excuse for this behavior, you're right and I am going to TELL him that IF he'll respond to any of my million text messages today.

He wants us to move in together this weekend and I was like WHAT? no way dude. I don't need someone being pushy. I want to date him yes. I'll be with him every day if he wants me to be. I'll stop at his work and bring him dinner if he wants me to. I can do that on my way home from work, he sometimes works overnights. I understand how he feels, and maybe he does feel he knows me heart and soul because we've spent every waking moment together, but at the same time he needs to listen to and feel me.

Yes I know he is depressed. he even said so. I think he misses being in love with someone almost just as much as I do (sad aren't we) but at the same time I'm making sure this is what we both want. We've gone out to dinner plenty of times. His favorite drink? cherry coke with three packets of sugar added. Favorite food? A baconator with swiss, lettuce tomato and onions. Favorite color? Blue. Just like his gorgeous eyes.... Favorite movie? Officespace.

He said to me that I'm not a little girl anymore and can make my own decisions. and for the most part he's right. It would be better living with him than living with my mother who thinks the world revolves around her and argues with me every morning on my way out the door to work. At least by the time I get ready to leave kevin will either be sacked out asleep, or he'll be at work already himself. Maybe we'll end up getting an apartment some where close to where I work, because it's close enough to where he works. I asked him about furniture. he said we'll buy it and I said with what money and he said my money. You think i'm going to make you pay for any of this???

 

lol....How about you buy me a monte too. j/k

I am hopeful for you. Good luck!!!