[align=center]New Bumper Stickers[/align][align=center]Seen from Space Station[/align][align=center][/align][align=center][/align][align=center][/align][align=center][:-]But it will cost you [/align][align=center][IMG]local://upfiles/714/DC489C67AE1C41D6AB3797B3D6398378.gif[/IMG] [/align]

 

****warning mild language****


Bastard
A judge working a double-homicide case tells the defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.�

“You bastard!� yells a voice from the back of the courtroom.

“You’re also charged with killing your mother-in-law with a hammer,� says the judge.

“Bastard!� the same person yells.

The judge addresses the man sitting in the back of the courtroom.“Sir, one more outburst and I’ll charge you with contempt.�

“I’m sorry, Your Honor,� says the man. “But I’ve been this bastard’s neighbor for 10 years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.�[/align]

 

 

Nice Vacation
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."[/align][/align][/align][/align][/align]LMAO!![/align]

 

The latest terrorist in the US has been captured.









[/align]

 

3 Wise Man
A businessman from New York is driving through Mississippi on his way home for Christmas. He stops at a local store and notices the three wise men out front are dressed like firefighters. While inside, the man asks the clerk about it.

“You city folk think you know everything,� says the clerk as he reaches for his Bible. “But it says right here that the three wise men came from afar.�[/align]

 

dont get it...






Money Coming In
An elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery.
Pausing before one gravestone, he said, "There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 dollars, but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts and if anyone has gone to Heaven, he has."
They walked on a bit farther and then came to another grave.
The old man pointed to the gravestone and said, "Now, there's a different type of man altogether. He owed me 60 dollars and he died without ever trying to pay me back. If anyone has gone to Hell, he has."
The little boy thought for awhile and then said, "You know, Grandpa, you are very lucky."
"Why"? asked the old man in surprise.
"Well, whichever place you go to, you'll have some money waiting when you get there!"

 

lol

afar


say a fire in a red neck voice afiare...lol... lmao!!!

 

oh lawd *shakes head*