- Members Post a Joke : )
Monte Of The Month -- March 2007
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,264
From: Woodstock, Ontario, Canada
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
http://emuse.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/23969/
i love mcdonalds fries, but wow! can't believe that...the burgers are just gross
i love mcdonalds fries, but wow! can't believe that...the burgers are just gross
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 6
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead!
One evening an old surgeon and his wife were at home watching television. The phone rang and he answered it to hear the voice ofanotherdoctor friend,"Hey c'mon over, we need a 4th for poker."Speaking quietly he replied "I'll be there right away." His wife asked, "So, how bad is it??"
His answer.."Very bad, in fact 3 doctors are there already."
Because he was dead!
One evening an old surgeon and his wife were at home watching television. The phone rang and he answered it to hear the voice ofanotherdoctor friend,"Hey c'mon over, we need a 4th for poker."Speaking quietly he replied "I'll be there right away." His wife asked, "So, how bad is it??"
His answer.."Very bad, in fact 3 doctors are there already."
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
[align=center]
[/align][align=center]
[/align][align=center]Sometimes, Life's a Bad Joke[/align][align=center]Wish you a Funny Day[/align][align=center]Smile & EnJoy[/align][align=center]Whose in[/align][align=center]control of[/align][align=center]you[/align][align=center]?[/align][align=center]
[/align][align=center]Now, gobe `Happy : )[/align][align=center]Oh, If you don't have a `joke to post 
[/align][align=center]Post your picture [/align][align=center]or R U afraid that you are not as good look'in as me : )[/align][align=center][/align]
[/align][align=center][/align][align=center]Sometimes, Life's a Bad Joke[/align][align=center]Wish you a Funny Day[/align][align=center]Smile & EnJoy[/align][align=center]Whose in[/align][align=center]control of[/align][align=center]you[/align][align=center]?[/align][align=center][/align][align=center]Now, gobe `Happy : )[/align][align=center]Oh, If you don't have a `joke to post [/align][align=center]Post your picture [/align][align=center]or R U afraid that you are not as good look'in as me : )[/align][align=center][/align]
Monte Of The Month -- March 2007
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,264
From: Woodstock, Ontario, Canada
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
Vietnam Story
A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.
The next day the kids come in and share their stories. “My daddy told me about my uncle Dave,†says one boy. “He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a knife. He drank the whiskey during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 Charlies. He shot 15, stabbed three, and killed the last two with his bare hands.â€
“What is the moral of that horrible story?†yelps the mortified teacher.
“Stay away from Uncle Dave when he’s drinking.†[/align]
A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.
The next day the kids come in and share their stories. “My daddy told me about my uncle Dave,†says one boy. “He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a knife. He drank the whiskey during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 Charlies. He shot 15, stabbed three, and killed the last two with his bare hands.â€
“What is the moral of that horrible story?†yelps the mortified teacher.
“Stay away from Uncle Dave when he’s drinking.†[/align]
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
You Know You Have Too Much
Horsepower When
[align=center][:-]No such thing as 2 much HP [:-][/align][align=center][/align]
1. The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull onto the rollers.
2. You can't drive your car in the rain.
3. Your "significant other" is afraid to drive your car.
4. You are afraid to drive your car.
5. You spend more on tires than on food.
6. You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.
7. You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car taped to the dash.
8. You throw your underwear in the garbage rather than the hamper.
9. You have to go to the track to buy gas.
10. Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.
11. Jacques Villeneuve and Michael Schumacher wave you by.
12. You can make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
13. You're tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to the office.
14. Red signal lights shift to green as you're approaching then shift back to red as you're receding.
15. You arrive somewhere before you left.
16. You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will let you go if "they can look under the hood."
17. You remove the $2000 stereo system to save 6 lb. of weight.
18. You are not allowed to run in the Silver State Challenge.
19. You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested in being in the Cannonball Run.
20. Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when you drive the car.
22. You need parachute braking.
23. 'significant other' won't even ride in the car.
24 There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood at 6 am.
25. Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is opened. (Pets, and all the neighbors...)
26. Family photos throughout the house are replaced with ife-sized posters of your car.
27. Fuel is delivered to your home: in 55 gallon drums!
28. You carry earplugs in your car.(doesn't everybody???)
29. The only spot on the car which receives any regular cleaning is the windshield. (what else is there to clean???)
30. You find out that side mirrors don't hold up at speeds exceeding 145 mph.
[align=center][/align]
2. You can't drive your car in the rain.
3. Your "significant other" is afraid to drive your car.
4. You are afraid to drive your car.
5. You spend more on tires than on food.
6. You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.
7. You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car taped to the dash.
8. You throw your underwear in the garbage rather than the hamper.
9. You have to go to the track to buy gas.
10. Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.
11. Jacques Villeneuve and Michael Schumacher wave you by.
12. You can make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
13. You're tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to the office.
14. Red signal lights shift to green as you're approaching then shift back to red as you're receding.
15. You arrive somewhere before you left.
16. You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will let you go if "they can look under the hood."
17. You remove the $2000 stereo system to save 6 lb. of weight.
18. You are not allowed to run in the Silver State Challenge.
19. You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested in being in the Cannonball Run.
20. Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when you drive the car.
22. You need parachute braking.
23. 'significant other' won't even ride in the car.
24 There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood at 6 am.
25. Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is opened. (Pets, and all the neighbors...)
26. Family photos throughout the house are replaced with ife-sized posters of your car.
27. Fuel is delivered to your home: in 55 gallon drums!
28. You carry earplugs in your car.(doesn't everybody???)
29. The only spot on the car which receives any regular cleaning is the windshield. (what else is there to clean???)
30. You find out that side mirrors don't hold up at speeds exceeding 145 mph.
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
[:-]MCF DRIVER'S TEST [:-]
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't get my license plate number!
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying: "Guns don't kill people. I do!
Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your Car orput on your `fog glasses : )
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Being too drunk to find your keys.
Q: What problem would you face if arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd lose my buzz, my car, my job, my insurance, my money, my everything
Q: How would it change your life if you had your license suspended or revoked?
A: I'd have to drive illegally.
Q: What is the most important thing to remember when passing or being passed?
A: If the driver is cute, make eye contact and wave "hello".
A: What for? He can't get my license plate number!
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying: "Guns don't kill people. I do!
Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your Car orput on your `fog glasses : )
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Being too drunk to find your keys.
Q: What problem would you face if arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd lose my buzz, my car, my job, my insurance, my money, my everything
Q: How would it change your life if you had your license suspended or revoked?
A: I'd have to drive illegally.
Q: What is the most important thing to remember when passing or being passed?
A: If the driver is cute, make eye contact and wave "hello".
If the driver is an azzhole, give'em the finger : )
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color. duuuh : )
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics, booze, sex, rock & roll, badsmoke, cruise control : )
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color. duuuh : )
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics, booze, sex, rock & roll, badsmoke, cruise control : )
[/align]
geovisit();
Monte Of The Month -- March 2007
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,264
From: Woodstock, Ontario, Canada
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
ORIGINAL: SpaceRider
[align=center]
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying: "Guns don't kill people. I do!
[align=center]
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying: "Guns don't kill people. I do!
[/align]
Monte Of The Month -- March 2007
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,264
From: Woodstock, Ontario, Canada
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
Moose Hunting Tom & Mal went moose hunting every winter without success.
Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume,moved into their tent and began to give the moose love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
When the bull was close enough, Tom said, "Okay, lets get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, Mal shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"
Tom says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."
lmao!!
Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume,moved into their tent and began to give the moose love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
When the bull was close enough, Tom said, "Okay, lets get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, Mal shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"
Tom says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."
lmao!!
RE: - Members Post a Joke : )
[align=center]Mod Wiz, the Beach Gang & I give you two thumbs Up Laugh'in our Butt's Off : ) [/align][align=center]Ouch ! That Hurt : )[/align][align=center][/align][align=center]I'm in Love
...I'm not[/align][align=center] [/align][align=center][/align][align=center]LOL[/align][align=center][/align][align=center]I'll never do that again [X(]No more hunt'in for me : )[/align]
Laugh'in our Butt's Off : ) [/align][align=center]Ouch ! That Hurt : )[/align][align=center][/align][align=center]I'm in Love ...I'm not[/align][align=center] [/align][align=center][/align][align=center]LOL[/align][align=center][/align][align=center]I'll never do that again [X(]No more hunt'in for me : )[/align]