~ RoadBlocks 2 `Happiness ~
#1
09-28-2010, 08:48 AM
~ RoadBlocks 2 `Happiness ~
MCF: Health Tip of the Day:
Happiness Road Blocks
Aristotle said fulfillment and contentment are pathways to happiness. Those enjoyable-sounding trails, however, are often muddied by roadblocks, says M.J. Ryan, executive coach and author of "The Happiness Makeover." The good news is you can learn to navigate the obstacles. "Studies show that, on average, around 50 percent of happiness can be cultivated in ourselves and 50 percent is innate," she says. "Some people have a higher or lower set point than others, but everyone can learn to be happier by actions that they take."
It does take work -- you're essentially retraining thought processes that have been around as long as you have. "You're not going to change from a pessimist to an optimist over night," cautions Ryan. "But even someone who is chemically depressed can feel less depressed."
The first step is to know what may be standing in your way and then learn how to reroute yourself. Here, some of the most common roadblocks to happiness and a guide for getting around them.
Expecting the worst all the time.
Does the phrase "if I expect the worst, then I won't be let down" cross your mind on a regular basis? Imagining a bad outcome elicits negative emotions like worry and fear that, in turn, ignite the stress response that floods our bodies with cortisone and adrenaline, says Ryan. When that stress response is chronically turned on, it not only wears down your body's immune system, but it also zaps your chance of experiencing a positive feeling, like happiness. "You can't have a negative emotion and a positive emotion simultaneously," says Ryan. "It's physiologically not possible."
All you're doing by worrying or anticipating something that isn't happening (and may never happen) "is keeping the stress response turned on way high and not enjoying whatever you could enjoy in that moment," says Ryan. Essentially, you're cheating yourself out of happiness.
Passing the buck.
If you feel you deserve to be happy and your [insert kid, parent, spouse, job, car or new pair of cars here] is supposed to make you happy, keep reading. "There's absolutely positive proof that that's just not true," says Ryan. "For a moment something else can actually boost us up, but it's only a matter of time before we're looking for the next thing." It's an insatiable cycle that won't result in long-term happiness.
Not convinced? Think of it conversely. "We always used to believe that if terrible things happened, we'd be miserable forever, right? In fact, people who've had terrible things happen dip down for a while, but eventually they return to the level of happiness they had before," Ryan says. "Happiness isn't about our circumstances as much as we think it is."
Rather, your happiness is your own responsibility. Try turning your focus within: What are the gifts that I have, who am I and what do I have uniquely to offer, and when I go and offer that, I feel better and happier. "That's essentially what Aristotle meant by fulfillment," says Ryan. "It has nothing to do with anyone else or anything."
Thinking life should be perfect -- and yours isn't.
For starters, the world isn't perfect. So you're fighting a losing battle if you think yours can be. If you're always in a state of discontent -- reveling in what's wrong with, or missing from or undesirable about your life, you're probably not thinking about what is actually good about it. "Ask yourself three questions at the end of the day," says Ryan. "What am I thankful for today? What did I enjoy today? And what am I satisfied about today? And you can't say 'nothing.' You have to come up with something."
The point is to focus on what you do have -- be it pets, relationships, experiences, favorite places -- so you don't have to think about what you don't have. "It shines a flashlight of awareness about what's good and whole and enjoyable in our lives rather than the want, want, want. I want this; I don't have that."
Research has even shown that a regular practice of gratitude -- simply asking yourself questions like those above -- has been found to decrease depression, even in severely depressed people.
Not thinking of others. Ever.
Oh `no
It turns out being generous can make you happier. You don't have to have a million dollars to donate to the charity of your choice to reap the benefits, either. People who simply do five small random acts of kindness -- putting a quarter in someone else's parking meter or opening the door for someone -- have been found to be happier than those who don't, says Ryan. "In doing these things, we activate the part of our brains that give us a little endorphin boost so we feel better."
Expecting life to be fair.
Life isn't fair. And fretting about the lack of fairness that exists essentially leads to comparing yourself, your life or your situation to someone else's and then feeling worse about yourself, your life or your situation. The trick isn't to stop comparing, says Ryan, because there's a part of the brain that can't help but compare -- it's to compare well. In other words, try what's called a downward comparison. For example, if being treated unfairly by a friend or spouse or boss has you upset, try thinking, "Well, at least I'm not [going hungry]." It helps you understand that, relatively speaking, your situation may not be so bad. "Your brain is going to compare, so you might as well have it compare in the direction that's going to make you happier, rather than miserable," says Ryan. "You will actually feel better."
Bonus: It may also make you more giving. "People who downward compare are more generous than others because they recognize their relative well-offness and then want to help others as a result," says Ryan.
The bottom line.
The trick with all of these is to catch yourself on the negative-thinking road and make a choice to think about it differently instead. "You want to build the positive habits like a road that exists alongside the negative ones," Ryan says. "It's there -- your stress, worry, anger -- whatever it is, but you're building another way of looking at life, approaching life, dealing with people. It's substituting those thoughts for more wholesome thoughts."
Hope the above helped a Member...We share, cause we care : )
Happiness Road Blocks Aristotle said fulfillment and contentment are pathways to happiness. Those enjoyable-sounding trails, however, are often muddied by roadblocks, says M.J. Ryan, executive coach and author of "The Happiness Makeover." The good news is you can learn to navigate the obstacles. "Studies show that, on average, around 50 percent of happiness can be cultivated in ourselves and 50 percent is innate," she says. "Some people have a higher or lower set point than others, but everyone can learn to be happier by actions that they take."
It does take work -- you're essentially retraining thought processes that have been around as long as you have. "You're not going to change from a pessimist to an optimist over night," cautions Ryan. "But even someone who is chemically depressed can feel less depressed."
The first step is to know what may be standing in your way and then learn how to reroute yourself. Here, some of the most common roadblocks to happiness and a guide for getting around them.
Expecting the worst all the time.
Does the phrase "if I expect the worst, then I won't be let down" cross your mind on a regular basis? Imagining a bad outcome elicits negative emotions like worry and fear that, in turn, ignite the stress response that floods our bodies with cortisone and adrenaline, says Ryan. When that stress response is chronically turned on, it not only wears down your body's immune system, but it also zaps your chance of experiencing a positive feeling, like happiness. "You can't have a negative emotion and a positive emotion simultaneously," says Ryan. "It's physiologically not possible."
All you're doing by worrying or anticipating something that isn't happening (and may never happen) "is keeping the stress response turned on way high and not enjoying whatever you could enjoy in that moment," says Ryan. Essentially, you're cheating yourself out of happiness.
Passing the buck.
If you feel you deserve to be happy and your [insert kid, parent, spouse, job, car or new pair of cars here] is supposed to make you happy, keep reading. "There's absolutely positive proof that that's just not true," says Ryan. "For a moment something else can actually boost us up, but it's only a matter of time before we're looking for the next thing." It's an insatiable cycle that won't result in long-term happiness.
Not convinced? Think of it conversely. "We always used to believe that if terrible things happened, we'd be miserable forever, right? In fact, people who've had terrible things happen dip down for a while, but eventually they return to the level of happiness they had before," Ryan says. "Happiness isn't about our circumstances as much as we think it is."
Rather, your happiness is your own responsibility. Try turning your focus within: What are the gifts that I have, who am I and what do I have uniquely to offer, and when I go and offer that, I feel better and happier. "That's essentially what Aristotle meant by fulfillment," says Ryan. "It has nothing to do with anyone else or anything."
Thinking life should be perfect -- and yours isn't.
For starters, the world isn't perfect. So you're fighting a losing battle if you think yours can be. If you're always in a state of discontent -- reveling in what's wrong with, or missing from or undesirable about your life, you're probably not thinking about what is actually good about it. "Ask yourself three questions at the end of the day," says Ryan. "What am I thankful for today? What did I enjoy today? And what am I satisfied about today? And you can't say 'nothing.' You have to come up with something."
The point is to focus on what you do have -- be it pets, relationships, experiences, favorite places -- so you don't have to think about what you don't have. "It shines a flashlight of awareness about what's good and whole and enjoyable in our lives rather than the want, want, want. I want this; I don't have that."
Research has even shown that a regular practice of gratitude -- simply asking yourself questions like those above -- has been found to decrease depression, even in severely depressed people.
Not thinking of others. Ever.
Oh `noIt turns out being generous can make you happier. You don't have to have a million dollars to donate to the charity of your choice to reap the benefits, either. People who simply do five small random acts of kindness -- putting a quarter in someone else's parking meter or opening the door for someone -- have been found to be happier than those who don't, says Ryan. "In doing these things, we activate the part of our brains that give us a little endorphin boost so we feel better."
Expecting life to be fair.
Life isn't fair. And fretting about the lack of fairness that exists essentially leads to comparing yourself, your life or your situation to someone else's and then feeling worse about yourself, your life or your situation. The trick isn't to stop comparing, says Ryan, because there's a part of the brain that can't help but compare -- it's to compare well. In other words, try what's called a downward comparison. For example, if being treated unfairly by a friend or spouse or boss has you upset, try thinking, "Well, at least I'm not [going hungry]." It helps you understand that, relatively speaking, your situation may not be so bad. "Your brain is going to compare, so you might as well have it compare in the direction that's going to make you happier, rather than miserable," says Ryan. "You will actually feel better."
Bonus: It may also make you more giving. "People who downward compare are more generous than others because they recognize their relative well-offness and then want to help others as a result," says Ryan.
The bottom line.
The trick with all of these is to catch yourself on the negative-thinking road and make a choice to think about it differently instead. "You want to build the positive habits like a road that exists alongside the negative ones," Ryan says. "It's there -- your stress, worry, anger -- whatever it is, but you're building another way of looking at life, approaching life, dealing with people. It's substituting those thoughts for more wholesome thoughts."
Hope the above helped a Member...We share, cause we care : )
Last edited by Space; 09-29-2010 at 08:08 AM. Reason: To Wish the Reader of this a `Happy 4-Sure : )
#2
09-28-2010, 08:54 AM
Thanks for the post Space. We all need to do what we can to stay healthy and feel better.
One thing I really need to do to feel better and be healthier, is to lose weight. But the urge to munch on snacks is very hard to resist sometimes.
One thing I really need to do to feel better and be healthier, is to lose weight. But the urge to munch on snacks is very hard to resist sometimes.
#3
09-28-2010, 09:07 AM
...You're Welcome `Lou,I read this article that was on my AOL Homepage, and the information contained in the subject was similar to what my grandfather & his senior friends taught the BeachBums & me.
They always told me that I am control of my own mind, and that I should not let the bad negatives win, and to always fight them and replace them with the positives in my life...
There are many in our life that may have it better then `us, but
there is the majority in our World, in our life that have it worse : (
4-Sure. (You just have to watch the World News 4 proof).
I thought the subject was worth sharing, and if it helps one member, then it was worth the investment of my `Time, my Life.... 4-Real~>Sure...
Yes, I am also a Munchie Addict, but I can't gain weight, but you can send me some of yours
.....until then I will continue to be a human garbage disposal Peace/Happy ~>Out
Last edited by Space; 09-28-2010 at 10:52 AM.
#4
09-28-2010, 09:38 AM
My key to happiness: Not caring what others think about you. Took away loadssss of stress for me
#5
09-28-2010, 09:56 AM
...Hi Brian, thanks for your post & what works for you....I don't think that would work for me...I care what others think of me, and what I think of myself...., but we all have to do what is best for us....
But,
4-Sure,But, I still think it matter's how other's see Me
Last edited by Space; 09-28-2010 at 10:23 AM.
#6
09-29-2010, 05:15 AM
Wish `You, yes U a Happy Holidays 4-Sure : )
“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.”
Bruce Lee
Bruce Lee
The deeper I go into this area of personal development – and perhaps as I become older – I realize more and more how limited time and focus are. And a form of ruthlessness becomes stronger and stronger. A ruthlessness to cut out the pointless stuff so that you can spend your precious time and focus on what’s important, cool and fun.
Your focus and energy each day is limited. If you use it on the wrong stuff you will never have enough to tackle to important and positive stuff you want to do. You may not see it now but doing some of the things below a lot can really suck the energy right out of you and place your focus in places that won’t help you.
I’m not saying that anyone has to be perfect and not ever do any of these things again. But that you can aim to reduce these things as much as you can and fill up your time and focus with more interesting and positive stuff instead.
Make a habit of being a bit ruthless with your focus and time. Don’t waste them on things just because you think it is “normal” and what other people do. Or because you are used to it.
Now, here are a five of my suggestions for how you can waste your life. And how you can use your time, focus and energy in a better way.
1. Create drama.
Do you create drama in your life to liven it up? Do you have a lot of conflict in your life? Is a lot of people mean to you or out to get you in some way?
You may be in a rough spot right now. But you may also create quite a bit of the drama and conflict you experience by how you think and behave. A lot of these things are often avoidable.
Yes, the drama can be emotionally addictive and in a way feel comfortable and safe because it is what you know. But life becomes so much smoother and easier if you let that stuff go as best you can. Do it for your own sake, for the people around you and for your relationship with them.
What to do instead: Don’t taking everything so seriously. Realize that you say stop to yourself and choose your emotional responses and that you can for example walk away instead of turning situations into big conflicts or fights. Stop making mountains out of molehills to get attention and sympathy from other people. Examine your own life and see if you are perhaps under stimulated. Does nothing much fun happen in the daily life? If not, don’t fill your life with drama. Start filling it with goals that you are really excited to work towards.
2. Lack energy.
If you don’t have enough energy then you won’t have the energy to do what you may really want to do. Or to keep your focus sharply on the right things.
Instead you may take the easy way out because you feel tired all the time.
What to do instead: Eating and sleeping right and working out several times a week are three great fundamentals that will improve your energy levels. Keeping your focus in the right places – on the positive, on what you want instead of what you don’t want, on what you actions you can take rather than what you lack control over – can also help greatly with keeping the energy up.
Obvious? Yeah. But so is much of the most useful advice. The trick is to actually use the advice consistently in your own life.
3. Be judgmental and gossipy.
Being judgmental and gossiping about people can make you feel good. Or it’s just fun to share the latest news about someone. But what does it do to you?
Being judgmental makes you less attractive to most people since openness and positivity are two things that people like. Being judgmental also reinforces your own self-image of a person who needs to put others down and judge them to feel good about yourself. It’s a great way to never be able to raise your own self-esteem. It’s a temporary high with a hangover of negativity that can take over large parts of your everyday life.
What to do instead: One tip to help yourself slip out of such behavior is to focus on the positive in people a bit more and discuss that
instead. You can also focus on being kinder and on giving people genuine compliments. This will make both you and the people around you feel good without those negative effects that I mentioned above. And again, focus your time on doing and working towards what excites you and you’ll simply have less interest and time to go around being gossipy and less need to make yourself feel better through judgments.
4. Think that people care very much about what you do.
This can be a huge time waster. It can keep people trapped for years in their own minds, unable to take action and do what they really want.
What to do instead: Realize that people have their own lives. The world doesn’t revolve around you and the real challenges and imagined drama in your life. People have their own lives and challenges and drama to worry about. So don’t spend too much time thinking and worrying about what people may say or think if you try something. Just try it instead. You may be surprised by the positive or just indifferent response you get from the people around you.
5. Have endless discussions that just go around and around in your head.
People often replay old arguments over and over in their heads and get hooked on these mental reruns. I have certainly done so.
Your focus and energy each day is limited. If you use it on the wrong stuff you will never have enough to tackle to important and positive stuff you want to do. You may not see it now but doing some of the things below a lot can really suck the energy right out of you and place your focus in places that won’t help you.
I’m not saying that anyone has to be perfect and not ever do any of these things again. But that you can aim to reduce these things as much as you can and fill up your time and focus with more interesting and positive stuff instead.
Make a habit of being a bit ruthless with your focus and time. Don’t waste them on things just because you think it is “normal” and what other people do. Or because you are used to it.
Now, here are a five of my suggestions for how you can waste your life. And how you can use your time, focus and energy in a better way.
1. Create drama.
Do you create drama in your life to liven it up? Do you have a lot of conflict in your life? Is a lot of people mean to you or out to get you in some way?
You may be in a rough spot right now. But you may also create quite a bit of the drama and conflict you experience by how you think and behave. A lot of these things are often avoidable.
Yes, the drama can be emotionally addictive and in a way feel comfortable and safe because it is what you know. But life becomes so much smoother and easier if you let that stuff go as best you can. Do it for your own sake, for the people around you and for your relationship with them.
What to do instead: Don’t taking everything so seriously. Realize that you say stop to yourself and choose your emotional responses and that you can for example walk away instead of turning situations into big conflicts or fights. Stop making mountains out of molehills to get attention and sympathy from other people. Examine your own life and see if you are perhaps under stimulated. Does nothing much fun happen in the daily life? If not, don’t fill your life with drama. Start filling it with goals that you are really excited to work towards.
2. Lack energy.
If you don’t have enough energy then you won’t have the energy to do what you may really want to do. Or to keep your focus sharply on the right things.
Instead you may take the easy way out because you feel tired all the time.
What to do instead: Eating and sleeping right and working out several times a week are three great fundamentals that will improve your energy levels. Keeping your focus in the right places – on the positive, on what you want instead of what you don’t want, on what you actions you can take rather than what you lack control over – can also help greatly with keeping the energy up.
Obvious? Yeah. But so is much of the most useful advice. The trick is to actually use the advice consistently in your own life.
3. Be judgmental and gossipy.
Being judgmental and gossiping about people can make you feel good. Or it’s just fun to share the latest news about someone. But what does it do to you?
Being judgmental makes you less attractive to most people since openness and positivity are two things that people like. Being judgmental also reinforces your own self-image of a person who needs to put others down and judge them to feel good about yourself. It’s a great way to never be able to raise your own self-esteem. It’s a temporary high with a hangover of negativity that can take over large parts of your everyday life.
What to do instead: One tip to help yourself slip out of such behavior is to focus on the positive in people a bit more and discuss that
instead. You can also focus on being kinder and on giving people genuine compliments. This will make both you and the people around you feel good without those negative effects that I mentioned above. And again, focus your time on doing and working towards what excites you and you’ll simply have less interest and time to go around being gossipy and less need to make yourself feel better through judgments.
4. Think that people care very much about what you do.
This can be a huge time waster. It can keep people trapped for years in their own minds, unable to take action and do what they really want.
What to do instead: Realize that people have their own lives. The world doesn’t revolve around you and the real challenges and imagined drama in your life. People have their own lives and challenges and drama to worry about. So don’t spend too much time thinking and worrying about what people may say or think if you try something. Just try it instead. You may be surprised by the positive or just indifferent response you get from the people around you.
5. Have endless discussions that just go around and around in your head.
People often replay old arguments over and over in their heads and get hooked on these mental reruns. I have certainly done so.
A few other popular ways to have endless discussions in your head are:
- “Should I do it? Or not do it? And what may happen if I do it?”. This is often caused by thinking that people care very much about what you do. Or that thinking that overthinking will somehow reveal a solution where there is very little or no risk of pain and failure.
- Beating yourself up. Instead of moving on.
What to do instead: Realize that the past is the past and that you cannot change it by replaying it in your mind over and over. When an old argument pops up in your mind accept that it is in the past and let go of it.
Be kind to yourself, be smart about things and learn what you can instead of beating yourself up. No one will reward you for beating yourself up and you aren’t helping yourself. Realize that overthinking does seldom helps you find superb solutions, but instead traps you in analysis paralysis and just pumps up your fear and negative expectations so that taking action becomes even harder. Use your mind to find a solution but when that is done take action instead doing some more thinking.
Another of own favourite tips for snapping out of such endless discussions in my mind is to step into the now again by for example focusing my senses – what I see, hear, feel, smell and so on – just on what is in front of me and around me. And then to focus on doing something, whatever it may be and just do that. This places me in the now and now my mind is focused on something outside of myself that I am doing.
To avoid several the pitfalls described in this article I’d say that it certainly helps to live consciously by living in the present moment as much as you can. This stops a lot of the thought loops and negativity from showing up at all.
And if they do show up you are now conscious of your thoughts and can say to yourself “no, no, no, stop, we are not going down this pointless path again…”. This helps you to avoid getting stuck in old conditioned and unconscious patterns of thought and behavior that doesn’t help you.
Break out such thought loops or behavior quickly a whole bunch of times and you may discover that they start to show up less and less in your life.
*****
Just filling in the Empty `Spaces
I believe `if one can Master their Time, that they can Master their `Life : )
And that will give you more time/life to EnJoy your travels
in your Chevy Monte Carlo
4-Sure
Peace/Happy/Out
Another of own favourite tips for snapping out of such endless discussions in my mind is to step into the now again by for example focusing my senses – what I see, hear, feel, smell and so on – just on what is in front of me and around me. And then to focus on doing something, whatever it may be and just do that. This places me in the now and now my mind is focused on something outside of myself that I am doing.
To avoid several the pitfalls described in this article I’d say that it certainly helps to live consciously by living in the present moment as much as you can. This stops a lot of the thought loops and negativity from showing up at all.
And if they do show up you are now conscious of your thoughts and can say to yourself “no, no, no, stop, we are not going down this pointless path again…”. This helps you to avoid getting stuck in old conditioned and unconscious patterns of thought and behavior that doesn’t help you.
Break out such thought loops or behavior quickly a whole bunch of times and you may discover that they start to show up less and less in your life.
*****
Just filling in the Empty `Spaces
I believe `if one can Master their Time, that they can Master their `Life : )
And that will give you more time/life to EnJoy your travels
in your Chevy Monte Carlo
4-Sure
Peace/Happy/Out
Last edited by Space; 09-29-2010 at 05:43 AM.
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