Some of you may remember about a month ago my son was suspendeed from school for fighting. Well, now it seems the same kid is wanting to fight him again. Also, the other boy has a big friend who told my son he was after him now too. Now my son is small for his age(11) but very squirrelly. I dont think he is afraid of these kids but knows how much trouble he got into last time for fighting with the suspension and at home trouble. So what is the solution? He doesn't want us involved, as we all know you had to have your parents fight your battles and he doesnt want to go to the teacher or principal. My wife continues to tell him not to fight, Me on the other hand thinks he has to do what he has to do. I want to tell him not to start it but the second those boys look like they want to fight , just lay it on them, kick them where it counts and smack the a few times or whatever, just get the surprise. Once they know he aint scared they may leave him alone. He has lot of friends but this all usually happens in the restroom. Public schools are sucking these days. I am not condoning violence here but if he does not stand up for himself now, this can haunt him all the way through school. 6th grade now. Opinions ???????????????????????????????????????????

 

..Hi Jerry,
I wish I had a easy answer 4 you and I hope that one of our member's have dealt with this problem and can help. The beachBum's & I were homeschooled and did not attend public or private schools. We did have bullies on the beach, but we stood our ground. Sometimes we won, and sometimes we paid 4 being stupid. I hope you can find a peaceful solution...~>4-Real-Sure....
I believe in self defense training.. The Bum's & I have had many instructor's, but the best was the advise and wisdom of our senior citizens friends & instructors...GOOD Luck
Check out the below link for infor on this subject:


http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotion...r/bullies.html

 

As you know it is tough situation, and we live in a different world now. Middle school is not easy, and I have seen good kids get in trouble. It will not matter wether he starts it or not as most schools and states now practice zero tolerance. There is a small chance that if he hurts one of the kids, broken bone, shot to the lower region, even with defending himself that he could be charged with assault. The police do arrest middle school students for fighting. Obviously he must defend himself, but I would be cautious anymore, its not just a suspension and go home for repeat offenders. I have faced this issue a couple of times and I tell the student the same things. They need to be talking to their teachers and counselors. In middle school no one wants to tell the teacher something is going on because they think they will look bad. I would see if he has a teacher he relates well with and urge him to talk to that teacher or school employe. We can not fix issues and create better schools when we have no idea what is going on. In our middle school the teachers must be in the halls during passing periods and I was next to the boys bathroom so I would always wander in. It is all about presence. If he was being robbed and there was a cop there, wouldn't he want help? I have used analogies like that to help students understand that we are there to help.

I understand your thinking as well. If he gets them good, maybe they will leave him alone, or maybe in this ever violent world they will come back harder with more people and weapons. That is why we now try to crack down on the first offense and maintain zero tolerance to try and prevent escalating violence. He may not want you involved and may think you are being over protective, but I would urge you to call or go and talk with the principal again and see what can be done, to insure the safety of your son and preserve his learning environment as that is what the school is there for.

These are not uncommon problems in schools today. Thanks for sharing this problem with all of us so hopefully we can all learn with the idea of improving our schools and communities.

 

 

Sadly it is a part of growing up, peer pressure, bullying, self esteem issues, the "popular" kids/clicks etc. Stronger picking on the weaker. It has been going on for ages. More "brats" are being raised these days because you can't discipline them like we were growing up and had respect for our parents and others, which I think alot of kids lack nowadays. So some of these kids get way overconfident and pick on others. Too many spoiled selfish kids out there these days and we can thank the overindulging parents and the "hands off" laws now. And these kids know that you can't touch them. Sorry, just seeing so many rude disrespectful kids lately, they even pick fights with adults. I say, if that bully hits first then by all means hit back! We are dealing with the same stuff here with my boyfriend's daughter in elementary school. Wait till she starts middle school in Sept.. There have been meetings with the principal etc. but it takes a few times and threats to go over their head it seems till they take it serious. But recently there is a mainstream "anti-bully" movement across the country since some bad outcomes/stories have turned up in the media/news lately. Now they have commercials and billboards, etc. I am sure everyone has their own opinion.

 

Thanks Teacher for chiming in. I was going to send you a PM but hoped you would see the thread. Kids today are very different than when I was a kid at least so I think. I dont know what to do. One part says go in and talk to principal, other says let them have at it. I know we could be oin trouble if someone actually got hurt and you never know. Could be a life changing experience. We dont have much trouble with weapons and such but it only takes one kid. Scary environment. Parents always want whats best for thier kids. Thought about calling the other kids parents but you never know what kind of people they are either. Also agree with you Montelicious.

 

It IS the world now in general, domestic violence/child abuse is up, animal abuse/torture is up, wars are up, jail attendance is up, unemployed people are up, you name it. While salaries are down, budgets for helpful productive things are being cut.....etc. It is a stressful world for kids and adults. Kids also should learn earlier what real life will be like. So many of them are clueless or unprepared. Teach them compassion/respect/manners/independence at an early age, teach them how to earn and budget money and how important an education is. Many people are not even qualified to raise a kid properly. Many just don't care and let their kids do whatever they want because they think they will be cool to their kids or their "friend". Well, that backfires alot when they forget that THEY are the ADULT/PARENT. I have many friends that are teachers and they have interesting stories to tell. And about talking to the other kid's parents......alot of times they are in denial or just don't care or say kids will be kids. There was one girl bullying my boyfriend's daughter off and on since 1st grade up until last year(4th). There were countless meetings etc. Nothing was done with the girl except suspension a few times. I know it will just be worse in middle school. She will be the lowest grade again in another school. Right now it is "cool" because she is a 5th grader and all grades are under her. Good luck with him and just teach him that there will always be bad people through life and to always defend himself. Her school said that even if someone hits her that she should not hit back, BS! Yes, you should always try to avoid a bad situation, walk away if you can before something happens. But her parents told her to defend herself.

 

Jerry, I just don't want to see him labeled as a trouble maker as that will haunt him all through schools. He needs to be assertive and it is a tough to know the right path. As a teacher I always would talk to students and share with them what I thought and encouraged them to talk to their parents as ultimately that is what matters.

I am in the process of getting my Administrators license to be a principal so I try to use what I have learned. The problem is that principals are bombarded with issues both very minor and serious and it takes time to figure out what is just complaining and what is a real threat. I would still urge you to make contact with the school some how. Talk to him about his teachers and see if there is one he really likes and use that as your avenue in. I have had parents contact me and then I start investigating to see whats up and pass it on to the principal.

Always feel free to pm or email me.

t_barrett @ hotmail . com just get rid of the spaces and email away. I do think it is good you post these concerns as it will help others.

 

Jerry,

Our son had a similar problem in middle school. And with their 'zero tolerance' policy, we knew that he would be suspended if he fought back. A totally BS policy in my opinion, but not something we could fight. We ended up going to the Principal. The parents of the other kid were made aware of the situation. And though the bully didn't totally stop, he backed off and it never came to blows.

 

I would schedule a meeting with you and the principal, and teachers. Don't have you child come or be involved. Let the teachers know what is going on so that they have an idea of what your son is going through. I hate the idea of "turn the other cheek" bs, I will not have my son (when he grows up) be anybody's punching bag!!
It's not your son's fault, he's gotta defend himself, it's unfair that because of bullies he can change his whole outlook on life, its THIS time that can affect him and his persona, that will carry over to High School, and beyond.
It can make the difference between an out going social kid, to those outcast emo kids. X.X


just my two cents. Hope it works out for you and him.