X2 Gregg.. cherish the moments of those who love and respect you.

 

If it had not been that everything he did was like that I would not have believed it either. The final straw occured when he was either a sophomore or junior in high school. The previous semester he had a part time job, was in band, chorus, and drama. He was a straight A student but he was out of the house til ten o'clock or later every night of the week. Because of his obligation to the arts programs I told him that next semester he would be home at the house three nights a week. I told him to make the choice but he had chores at home that were not being done and that he was a part of our family and needed to learn how to interact as a member of the family. The next semester came around and he did the same thing again. I thought I was being reasonable. Everybody needs to let down and relax and also work on one on one relationships. I asked him why he was out every night again. He said he called his grandparents and his aunt and they said he could do as he was doing. I told him that is not what I said he could do and if he refused to make the choices then I was going to the high school tomorrow and make the choices for him. He said to me that he didn't care what I said and was going to do as he wanted. I told him I'm the parent and we will see about that. You are not eighteen and as long as you live in my house you will follow my rules. He outweighed me by at least fifty pounds and was my height. He grabbed me by the throat and pushed me against the wall and was choking me. I kneed him in the groin and broke his hold. I then took a paper bag and put some of his clothes in it and threw him out of the house.
When his mother, sister or brother call him today he tells them all about what he is doing or has done or wants to do. The phone is hung up and not once does he ask about them or what's going on in their lives. My kids would call me all upset. I would ask who initiated the call and they would say they had. I told them that if it was me I would stop calling. They said but dad it's my brother. I said if he cared about you he could make a call once in a while. Why keep getting hurt. The last straw for my kids was when they traveled to Vermont from Florida to visit him and other relatives. He was living in Maine and drove to Vermont. He saw them for ten minutes and called some of his friends and they went to hang out at the mall. He didn't even invite his brother or sister to go and made no further effort to visit with them. Them came back to Florida and said they were done with him. They tell me that my ex talks to him and hangs up in tears every time.

 

My natural born kids I have a good relationship with. They love their daddy. My step son was only a step after he introduced the term into my house. I tried to treat them the same and loved them equally. I made mistakes too but I learned from them and feel that I treated them all well.

 

I can't speak about all these parenting issues. I have two nieces and a nephew... that's all the fun without the responsibility. You can teach them a bad/funny (to me) habit and then hand them over to mom and dad! If they're babies and start crying, you can hand them over to mom and dad! You can spoil them, and hand them over to mom and dad! (I've done 2 of the three, guess which ones.)


I'm getting a little bit of student teaching experience under my belt. I've learned really quickly in a classroom that when the students have gained a respect for the real teacher, it is hard for you to take over the class and have that level of respect, you have to earn it. I guess when you have a step child, you have to gain that respect somehow. Then it comes down to individuals. Some just aren't going to cooperate, no matter how much you love, cherish, and respect them. Looks like Gregg got the unlucky match there.

I can vouch for Gregg's character, had a great breakfast with him last time I was in Florida and will try to meet with him again next time I am down there. I just don't see Gregg as being very adversarial or disrespectful unless you initiate... and even then, I don't think Gregg would step out and be the disrespectful one.



It's an interesting thread... I don't have any children and don't plan to for quite some time. I'm 22 and single, applying for teaching positions, and trying to get started in life. As a Principle I know once said.... "I love it when people who don't have children try to tell me how to raise my own." It's one of my favorite sayings, I apply it to many things. I do'nt have children, and it isn't my role to tell anyone on this forum how to raise their child, how to handle a situation, or how to manage their household. I don't like it when people who don't know anything about cars try to tell me how to work on my own and what to pour in my crankcase (i.e., the 16 year old at Auto Zone who thinks he knows everything because he was hired at what is in my experience the worst parts store in the world), and I'm not very fond of it when people who have never taught school tell me how to run a classroom, even though I'm not an official teacher yet.

 

Thanks Duane. In this case I started dating his mother when he was an infant and were married 18 months later. I am the only dad he knew. The exs parents and siblings kept undermining my authority and the ex didn't put her foot down until it was way to late. I kept getting told I wasn't his father and didn't have the right. I told them that if they undermine me concerning the other two it was my right and they would never see them again. My I laws were part of the reason I ended my first marriage.