Wow! I really have no insight or great words of wisdom on this matter,but do not let this damage your marriage and family unit, thats not worth it bro! how about seeing if other family can all pay for her to live in assisted living close by? and as another suggested, applying for assistance?? my prayers are with you and your family brother. My wife and I just lost her Mother last year,she was a great woman, although sometimes a challenge to get along with!!

 

I can only offer up what my experiences have been caring for my 97 year old Mother.

We took her in almost 3 years ago when her memory started to fail. She could not remember if she took her meds or not. She was living in Tucson just a couple miles from my older sister.

My brother-in-law and sister live in a 2 million dollar house in Tucson. My sister called me and said she was getting stressed taking care of mom's check book for her. So I took that over.

My daughter went out to Tucson to visit my mom and called me and told me something needed to be done for my mom that all of her food turned bad (she had a shopper shop for her 1 time a month) My sister got too stressed out shopping for my mom even while she did her own shopping

The company that did the grocery shopping for mom called social services to report mom's condition. Living in Michigan, it took this for me to realize mom's condition.

We sold mom's house (Rich Brother-in-law charged her a Realtor fee). she then move out to Michigan to be with us. Things have deteriorated with mom so much over the 3 years she has been with us.

We now have to change her diapers 4 times a day, we go grocery shopping during her "Inactive time of day", We have to monitor EVERY aspect of her life. We where using a home health care company but the last time we used then the girl stole money out of the bedroom.

It takes love, grit, and a strong marriage to care for an elderly retaliative.

We are making moves to place mom into a nice nursing home we checked out. Things have gotten bad enough now where she needs 24 hour supervision (she gets out of bed at night to use the rest room) (Her bathroom habits, to be polite, lets just say are atrocious). It is because she now requires more care than we are physically able to provide we decided on a home.

Your wife and you need to be on the same page and realize caring for an older retaliative is going to take unity, resolve and determination. It takes more than just hugs, and kisses (although they help).

We find one thing that helps... I got "MOM WATCH" when Ronda wants to go scrap booking with her girl friends and she has "MOM WATCH" when I want to go to a car show with my buds.

Summary... BOTH of you need to think deeply about what you new responsibilities will be, BOTH of you will need to sacrifice your time, BOTH of you will need to be strong and help each other, BOTH of you will need to realize your marriage will be tested.

My 5 cents worth

 

I hope that the below links may help you & your family (Good Luck)
Cook County assistance programs | Chicago
www.needhelppayingbills.com/.../cook_county_assistance_program.html
Get help in Chicago and Cook County. ... Social Services - If you are faced with a crisis, the Department of Family Services in Chicago offers a number of .... help low income families and senior citizens deal with the summer heat in Chicago.
Illinois - LIHEAP Clearinghouse
www.liheapch.acf.hhs.gov/profiles/Illinois.htm
5 days ago - Crisis: $1,000 maximum ... 1 – May 31 (September 1 start for seniors and disabled; October 1 for families with children 6 and ... City Of Chicago
Leyden Family Service
www.leydenfamilyservice.org/
provides a range of counseling, treatment and preventative care services for adults, adolescents, senior citizens, children and families. This includes treatment ...
Volunteer: Senior Citizens Benefits Aide: Government and ...
https://www.linkedin.com/jobs2/view/14901032
LinkedIn
Dec 12, 2014 - This is a preview of the Volunteer: Senior Citizens Benefits Aide: ... local senior citizens, families, and children who are facing crisis and difficult transitions ... and Schaumburg Townships and the Northwest Suburbs of Chicago ...
Senior Citizen's Guide to Chicago
www.seniorcitizensguide.com/chicago/
The Senior Citizen's Guide to Chicago is designed to help older adults and those with aging parents or family members find housing, health, financial, travel, ... Falls Prevention: A Crisis in Need of Solutions · Something to Chew On: Dentures ...

 

i might be one of the few that will side with you on this. if what you say is true about her being racist towards you, then she gets what she deserves.

you make the money, you pay the rent, groceries, etc... this woman has not wanted anything to do with you and has talked **** about you since day one? F that!

while i feel bad for her and her situation, SHE MADE IT THIS WAY. could you be a bigger person? sure you could, but do you need to? nope! i personally will forgive a lot of stuff, but i will refuse to allow someone like that to think everything is "ok" now because she wants to live we me. not going to happen.

personally, my MIL has been a total b1tch to me from day one. saying things about me and how i raise my kids. she tries to "over rule" me when it comes to how my wife and i want things to be done. we actually have had a huge argument 2 christmas' ago and another this past summer where i totally went off on her and told her she needed to STFU and let me raise my kids the way i want because she sure as hell did an outstanding job with hers (she didnt). i would NEVER let this woman live with me, my wife, and our kids and if my wife insisted on it, i would divorce her and take the kids with me and my wife knows this.


so i am right there with you and know how you feel.


however, if you do end up letting this woman live with you, CHARGE HER RENT. she should be getting a social security check, make her give that **** to you to pay her bills with. have her sell her home (if she has one) and make her give you power of attorney for her estate.

to me, that is the price you pay when your a b1tch and then want me to take care of your a$$

 

oh, and let me add to my previous statement....

if you get power of attorney, get a life insurance policy on her so when the old bag does finally go 6ft under, you at least will have some insurance money to cover the cost of digging the hole to put her in.

 

In caring for my mom I learned you need to have an Elder care attorney draft a CAREGIVER'S CONTRACT

Medicaid has a 5 year "Claw back" period. Meaning that any money taken from her within 5 years of her going into a nursing home is subject to penalty TO YOU by Medicaid

This means if you take money and she goes into a nursing home any money you took from her for 5 years back they will not pay to the Nursing home untill that amount has been satisfied. ONE OUT IS A CAREGIVER'S CONTRACT. Drafted by an ELDER care attorney (I Know this from my own experience) Laws vary from state to state so check it out for your state

 

Thanks `Tadd for caring for family!
We all will get older, we all die.
Who will take care of you ?

 

Well guys sorry to say I kicked her out yesterday night, she said something to me that is wrong in many ways and I told her I won't allow for her to ever step a foot in my house. I was arguing with the wife over some car problems she hasn't taken care of and it became a bigger more expensive problem and in the mid of the argument her grandma decides to step in my face and says "I'm not afraid to call 911" I told her youre gonna threaten me in my house..... Sorry you gotta go now. (Hell even my wife sided with me on this)

I called a taxi for her and gave him a $100 & told him take her where ever she wants just not back here.

I was gonna help her family pay for a nursing home but now I'm totally out and not gonna help her in any way.

 

Habbibe,

I hope you and your wife can patch things up between the two of you, and Grandma can find a suitable alternative.

Best wishes my friend

 

Well the grandma is at on of her daughters house now she still wants me to pay the moving company which is not happening. And she still insists I allow her to move in... Not happening... I already made up my mind and I know myself as much as my wife knows me I'm not changing that she accepted that fact and we are moving on from this event now (I HOPE).