Please do tell me I'm being an A hole for this but I bought my house to be alone with my kids and wife, suddenly my wife's grandmother is living with us and my wife's excuse is she's dying she needs a home now more than ever.(biggest BS I've ever heard)......Well grandmother is been straight up racist towards me being an Arab since I met her 10 years ago. I refused Her staying at my house and now she's begging to be here, she wants to live with her great grand children(she doesn't have any other grand children) and I'm not allowing it to happen so my wife is all Pissy and what's not but I don't want her (her grandmother) with me, I mean I turly hate that B**** and don't want her anywhere near my kids. Please do tell me am I being wrong here? Otherwise I told her go to a nursing home (I'm not paying for it however ask your biological kids to support you) or go die somewhere else but stay the hell out of my life (since I'm the only money maker In my household and I know any other option means I have to bury her) so in the end I want her out of my life period and I don't give a living F*** about what or where she goes next.

 

Man feel for you..

My 97 year old mother is living with us. Its a struggle. She needs 24/hours supervision.

we invited her to move in when it became obvious she could not live by herself.

Rough decision to make.

 

She requires 24/7 caring and attention too believe I know too my wife is already complaining to me I'm not home often enough that she's having a hard time with two kids and no help, yet if I reduce my hours she complains about the money.... Now she wants me home by her to help with the kids cause we picked up yet an additional person we have to feed, house, nurse and care for continuously, honestly I'm confused by this but what's more confusing is the fact my wife hasn't stopped crying since I told her I want her grandmother out, it's unbeliveable how crazy it drives a person.

 

I've been very near your exact situation. it's over for me now. The MIL has passed away and life is so much better now. In the mean time, antidepressants help to take the edge off of things. Either way this goes for you, it's going to be psychologically hard on you.

Good luck.

 

 

I'm making arrangements for a meeting with her immediate family, I have refused her as a resident in my home and she and my wife are very aware of my choice now. The fact I was never informed or asked of her choice to reside with me is what caused me to retaliate. The moving company she arranged to deliver her furniture to my house is now holding her belongings until I agree and I already refused and informed the moving company if I do not give permission to drop off at my house I will take legal action and on top of it her grandmother wanted me to pay the moving company, a $1875 bill I will not accept.

 

This is a weird story. I glad to here you chime in BeachBumMike. As I read I can't help but wonder what advice KidSpace... er, 'Space would tender here. I am not nearly as wise or sensitive, but 'Space would have something positive to offer. I'm afraid your situation will get worse before it gets better Habbie. I would maybe suggest that it is most important that you and your wife get on the same page.

 

Hi 'Brent,
I'm not sure what 'Space would say/post , but I know that he has a high regard for family. 'Space loves everyone, but he doesn't care for anyone that purposely hurts another.
He always forgives, but never 4-gets.


I just find it very sad when a member of a family is not welcome into a relatives home. I don't know the circumstances & I'm not a judge to rule or comment. I wish that everyone on Planet Earth was colorblind when it comes to judging others from where they are from, or what nationality they are (?). I wish everyone would be judged by their actions and words. That's the way the beach bums were raised. We were taught not just by words, but by examples. They spoke true & acted their words. Something I find lacking more each day.

'Habbibie, I wish you the best in resolving this issue with your family. All humans have flaws, some just have more then others.

`amen

 

I couldn't begin to advise you, this is a very sensitive post. Emotions are high for both you and your wife.
First I want to say I know how you feel first hand, being rejected, put down and Bad mouthed because of the color of your skin or your religious beliefs. From the age of 12 to 18, I was the little "N" word of my neighborhood. Pick on, beat up, segregated by the Irish, Italians and Jewish because of my Tan Complection. Shunned by the Black folk cause I have a Spanish last name, and shunned by the Spanish folk cause I didn't speak spanish. That was a hard 6 years of my life. Plus I was the Eldest child of a single mom. So i had no one to turn to.
It is hard, and as I said, I understand how you feel.
But I also understand how your wife feels. That is her Grand Mother after all. But not talking to you, and just making plans to move grandma in is wrong on many levels. Even though you are the Bread Winner, she is your team mate. Any major decisions regarding the house hold should be made by you two as a team. Not by you alone or her alone. Especially if your wife knows how you have been treated by grandma!
But again, That is her Grandma, her family, she feels obligated.
If I were in that situation I would feel as you do. I would refuse to have someone live in my house who is verbally abusive to me. I would not want that person near my kids to teach them how to be racist! And to have some who Hates me for any reason to use my hard earned money for their health care and curse me at the same time, O Heck No!
But let me ask, are there no other family members that can help her out? Does your wife know of the treatment you have received from grandma thru the years?
The one piece of advise I can offer is to tread litely. This could put a wedge between you and your wife that could be un-repairable! And it sounds to me like that is not what you want.
It's a very difficult situation, and there are no Easy answers! I wish you the best and hope everything turns out the best it can for all involved!

 

So Sorry to hear of your problem.
However let me tell you what my Dad told me.
He just passed this last October/2014.
When I asked if he wanted to stay at my house. He told me that it is not what I am supposed to do. He had made arrangements to go to assisted living and then the Nursing home. He said that when you live with your family like that you run a higher risk of the family breaking up. If they have no money they can get help from the State it's called medicade. Check on it and apply for it. there is no shame in it unless you use it and don't deserve it.
He told me the tension would be far worse then the kind act. I believe he was a very wise man.