Here are a couple jokes that i thought funny on the Bonneville forum

Here's #1
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses; the results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their *** is too fat.............

10% of women think their *** is too skinny.........

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The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
__________________

Here's #2
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'

The nun agreed.

A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'

The nun replied, 'He went that way.'

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister.. You see, I don't want to go to Afghanistan .'


The nun said, 'I understand completely.'



The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'

The nun replied, 'I'm not really a Sister....I don't want to go to Afghanistan either.'

Here's #3
Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.

The others looked at her questioningly. 'that was my pager,' she said. I have amicrochip under the skin of my arm.

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear..

When she finished, she explained, 'that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.'

the older woman felt very low -tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom..

She returned with a piece of toilet paperhanging from her rear end.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The older woman finally said..........well, will you look at that......i'm getting a fax!!

Here's #4
A man was driving his Bonneville along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The driver pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The driver thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?’

Heres #5
Abu al-Zarqawi died and George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates.

He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!"

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"


Thomas Jefferson was next, beat al-Zarqawi with a long cane and snarled:

"It was Evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence ."

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe

and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist Leader.

As al-Zarqawi lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Al- Zarqawi wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."


The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"



Also here's a lil thing that i thought was funny
http://www.bonnevilleforum.com/showthread.php?t=289666

KK that's it! Enjoy!

 

More jokes I recently found:

1. Southern Humor
Alabama


A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"


Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."




Louisiana
A senior at Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world."

Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."


North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"


Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep", he replied. "That's why was I dumpin it here, cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'."


2. Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do
You determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"









Which bed do you want?

 

lol 4 and 5 are my favs. )))))!

 

lol southren fried jokes

 

lol yeah the guys on the bonneville forum try to put jokes up daily & some of them are freakin hysterical!