After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.


Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals

3. July 7: he made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away! this caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. = October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

 

2 probs with that whzt target have you been in that has guns? and the other is target isn't union...funny hejj yes...i'm gunna have to do the condom one sometime

 

Copy/pasta from a chain email, I've read it many times. It makes me laugh everytime as well.

 

That was pretty fun!!! LOL!

 

Thats funny.

Its the old "50 things to do in Wal-Mart" joke.

 

I thought the first few were funny, but then it became over the top and lost its fun as it dragged on. I shop at Target and I know they don't have layaway, or a gun department. But meh, I don't regret reading it.

 

i love that joke now i've seen it for K-mart, target and wally- world.

i got kicked outta wally-world once for messing this foam turky decoy i found in sporting goods, it was hollow & one had split open on the bottem seam..... so i stuck it on my head and walked / ran around doing my best turkey impression

oh, they dont carry those anymore, btw

 

You Character! LOL!

 

I remember the Walmart version that made the rounds in everyone's email.

I actually did take a rubber steak chew toy from the pet supplies and left it sitting on a George Foreman grill in the small appliance section.

 

best thin i did was beign bored at 1 am and going to walmart with a few friends and piling everything and anything in a cart just goofin off riding bikes around and just left the cartvin a random isle